Surrounded by those who love me unconditionally, I wear a mountainous smile. Truly, I believe I am blessed. How is it that alone, I am hollow with only the emotions of sadness and despair? I sit by myself with only the solicitude for my thoughts as they are fearsome.
Is this normal?
Laughing hysterically all the time and being absolutely radiant is what I am known best for. That is not my reality according to my inner demons. The fearsome thoughts start off as questions
Am I good enough?
Am I funny enough?
Do I need to lose weight?
Is my body proportionate?
Am I annoying?
Can I be better in some way?
As I lay in the bath, I sink a little more and a little more as the water rises higher and higher. I go completely under and my thoughts just keep going on and on, I could take my own life right here and right now. For every prescription of medication I take, my thoughts continue on more because at any point in time, I could end it all. The real question is, do I want to? No, but knowing I can do something is comforting enough
